I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
