Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
