i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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