duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize