Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
please come you make the beer taste better
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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