Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
