I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
