Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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