THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
