Nicole vs. Life
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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