i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
