i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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