is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I could make wine with my vomit
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
