problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
