So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
