It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
