The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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