i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
