actually, I'm a sock model
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
