Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
