Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
