he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
