Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
