Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
