toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
