The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
