The maid of honor just puked.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
