Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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