I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize