I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
