Why are handjobs necessary in class?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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