What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
