I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
