Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
