you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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