I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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