I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
40s are totally the cure
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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