Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
