I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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