i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
