oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
