I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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