I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
