Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
