I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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