I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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