Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
