Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
