sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
