6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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