planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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