I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize