I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
