shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
