my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
