hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
