arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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