Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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