$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
