First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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