How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
