Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize