dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
