We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
