My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just found puke in my bra..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
