the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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