It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
