Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize