Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize