I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
