he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
