two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
