evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
