This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
