There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
