i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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