She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
