she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
