i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize