Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
