wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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