Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
