Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
