I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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