Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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