Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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