We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
