Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
