oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
