I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
