Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
