Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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