did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
