im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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