I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize