Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
