This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
