talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
