Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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