I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We named our party play list daddy issues
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
