there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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