I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
