By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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