kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
