1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize