i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
