Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
