Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
