do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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