Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize