were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
