After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize