When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
