Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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