went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
