just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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