Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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