they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize