no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
